Food/Pain

Between all the delicious breads and knedliky (dumplings) available in this country and gorging on everything that could possibly fit in my mouth on a recent road trip to Italy, I've become a lard ass.  I decided to do something about it so I started walking.  To motivate me,  at the start of each walk I select a destination that would land me in a gourmet food store at the end of my walk.  I might be missing the point of weight loss but a girl needs motivation, right?  I'd choose a Greek market with delicious olives and hummus over a Saks 5th any day.

Living here has made me fine tune my sourcing skills.  The stores available are mostly "one trick ponies", making it impossible to get all my shopping done at once. Tesco is a department store which would be the equivalent of a Walmart, minus the pharmaceutical department, photo processing, arts and craft supplies, party stuff, and sewing supplies.  You can get most goods there but not all. There are these little shops all over the city called "Potraviny" which is the local grocer.  There seems a formula to these because all of them carry the same produce, cheap booze, basic cooking ingredients, candy and cigs.  But some are better than others. Then there's Marks and Spencer, which is a U.K. chain that has expensive imported food and clothing. I find myself running around the city for just one meal's worth of ingredients.  The small gourmet shops that have sprung up all over the city provide most ingredients you need. When you score a rare product it's the buzz in the expat community.  The news spreads like fire and you become the hero of the day.  I find myself photographing special produce to prove I've seen it.  For me, Whole Foods has become a wet dream of artfully arranged organic produce and gourmet items and I'll shed a tear when I enter one again.

The "American" section at Tesco

When I returned to the States a few months back I went to a Star Market in Nashua, NH.  My cart was filled with delicacies including Skippy, Campbell's tomato soup, Good Season's salad dressing, Ritz crackers, Magic Eraser, Mac-n-Cheese, etc... Items waiting for their journey back to C.R. to become the envy of my expat friends.

Let me preface... Having been in check out boot camp here, I start to sweat when I enter the line.  You have to arrange all of your things on the belt from heaviest/hardest to most delicate last because you bag your own items--fast.  OJ, milk and cleaning supplies first, eggs last.  If you forget to bring your bag you have to ask to buy some because the small plastic ones they give you are really thin and small. When the check out process begins, you transform into a wide receiver catching all the groceries a clerk is throwing down the line.  The faster you go, the faster she hucks your stuff at you.  You bag fast, put them in the cart even faster and have your card ready to pay.  You can't fumble because that check out clerk is one cranky lady. If you forget to scan a piece of produce prior to check out it's confiscated. There's no room for errors.

Back at Star Market in Nashua I head to the check out.  I pile all of my items in their proper order on the belt, got my card ready, and ran to the end with my cart only to stop dead in my tracks by the voice of a very nice lady.  She asked me how I was and smiled at me.  I froze.  I looked to my right and there was another lovely lady bagging my items carefully.  When the clerk was done checking she asked if I had a savings card, which I didn't.  She whispered, "No problem, I can scan mine for you, ok?"  That did it--I burst into tears.  Months of pent up frustration and anxiety over grocery shopping finally broke free.  I stood there like an idiot sobbing and laughing at the same time.

Holding a bottle of wine I had purchased the clerk said to me, "You'll be needing this tonight, my dear."  Ano.

One Year Later

My one year anniversary of living in Prague is today.   Thought I'd celebrate by picking up where I left off on this blog a year ago.  I had intended to write all about my adventures but I got busy settling in.  Oh well.  Here I am again and who knows--this might be my last post for another year!  I just read my previous post and much has happened since then.  Unfortunately, the housing market back in Boston prevented us from selling the house (for what it's worth!).  Fortunately, we found tenants who signed a 2 year lease. 

We found a fabulous apartment, enrolled the boy in school and have established many friendships with people from all over the world.  We're loving it here and it suits us well.  D loves to walk to work--a luxury for him after years of commuter hell on 128.  I did get a car and have been learning how to get around.  The best way to describe a Czech driver is:  Imagine a Boston driver without any skill.  The use of directional indicators is optional when changing lanes and tailgating is a sport.  Yet, curiously no one honks their horn.

Over the past year I've had some pretty funny and some strange and maddening encounters with the locals.  I had a romantic expectation of the country and learning the language.  I fantasized fluent Czech pouring out of my mouth at cafes while talking about architecture and the downfall of Communism.  Instead, I've found the language incredibly difficult to wrap my head around.  Just being able to pronounce some words is tricky enough, let alone speaking and understanding it.  I'm settling for muddling my way with the 13 words I have in my arsenal:  check please, thank you, hello, have a nice day, goodbye, yes/no and please.  What I discovered about not understanding the language and not being able to speak to people is that  I like  it.  It's quiet.  I've subconsciously tuned out the foreign language so it's become a din in the background as the sound of traffic would be.  No longer am I audibly assaulted by conversations I don't want to hear.  Pure bliss.

I've become a brat (thus the title of the blog).  Some would argue that I was already one but I'm sure I'm a way  bigger one here.  I've found myself using vulgar language more than I ever have in the States because I can’t be understood (again, some would argue that I've always had a potty mouth).  I’ve shamelessly “enjoyed” difficult situations because I knew I could get away with a stream of foul language.  A good example of this was at the post office for the 3rd time attempting to pick up a package that had been shipped from the U.S. a month prior.  I had received a slip in the mail telling me to pick it up so I went and gave the slip to a woman behind the glass partition.  She passed it back and said “no”.  I said  “What do you mean, no?”  She said “no” again.  All I could say was “This is such a cluster f**k."  In the long line of people behind me I heard a giggle and a lovely young woman stepped out to ask me if I needed help.  Ano (yes).

At the grocery store a while back I was purchasing two items:  a bottle of wine and a plant. I realized as the female clerk was checking me through that the price on the bottle of wine came to about $3 US (even my standards aren't that low).  I had grabbed the wrong bottle off the shelf.  I told her to stop checking it through but it was too late.  I made the motions indicating that I didn’t want it and I got a bunch of huffs and one giant eye roll.  I looked at her and asked “What’s with the eye roll, lady?”  I ended up going back into the store, got the right wine and went back into her line and put it on her counter with a thud and smiled.  She didn’t smile.  This was the first day of our contentious relationship.  Some weeks later I was there buying a couple pieces of fruit.  In my pocket I had a small bill and a quite large one.  Czechs loath  large bills.  My opportunity to play with her presented itself and I seized it with glee.  With a wide smile, I gave her the large bill.  Her face was at first confused then finally anger.  She said “no”.  I smiled, “Yes, take it”.  She said “no”.  I grinned, “No, really.  Take it”.  She took it and grumbled to her co-worker the whole time.  I know, I’m a child.

The last one I'll share today is my phone conversation with the Medical clinic attempting to set up appointments for a mammogram and TMI alert:  a pap smear. Here's how the conversation went:

Nicole: "Hi, I'd like to schedule a pap smear"
Guy at clinic:  "A pup"?
"PAAAPPP SMMEEERRR"
"Is this for your foot?"
"No, a cervical exam to check for cancer."
"Oh, You need a prescription for that."
"Huh?  I need a doctor to look at my VAGINA.  I need a prescription for that?"
"Oh, sorry ma'am.  I will schedule you one."
"OK, good.  Now I need a mammogram."
"Is this for your back?"
"No, my BREASTS."
"You need a prescription from the gynecologist."
"Can I get one at the same time as my pap?"
"No.  You need a different appointment."

As my boy now says, "Yoy, Yoy, Yoy!"

The Decision

Back in November of 2009, my husband came home from work and told me that he received a call from a recruiter about a job. As it turns out, it was no ordinary job. The interested company is located in Prague, Czech Republic. Don asked what my thoughts were and I said "Go for it" (thinking nothing would come of it). Well, here we are 5 months later selling our house located just outside of Boston and moving to Prague. As it turns out, the opportunity was just too good to pass up!

The process has been exciting but lots of work. Deciding to move to a cool city in another country was the fun part. The not so fun part has been getting the house ready for sale, packing, dealing with contractors and taking care of a busy toddler by myself. No pity party here, just the facts. Now that the house is on the market things have gotten a lot easier. Just need to sell the house (oops...and the car). Who wouldn't want to live here?

I'm in-between two worlds at the moment; one is here where I've made a life for myself with my husband and son, Clive--the other in Prague with Don, who had to move there ahead of us to start the job. It's been 2 months now and it's getting old. Don is anxiously waiting for our arrival later this month. Although at the moment he's busy stimulating the small electronics economy because we can't bring any of our own. An electrical compliance thing.

This weekend I lined up 2 open houses to get things moving along with the sale of the house and I hope we get some takers. I have fantasies of a bidding war--couples slugging it out with cursing and bribes for a chance to live here. A girl can dream!

I'm both anxious and excited about my departure. On one hand I'll be sad to leave my home but there's so much to learn and experience over in Prague. I'll journal my adventures here to share with friends, family and perfect strangers. I may bore you with my ranting of language barriers, terrible cuisine or cultural faux pas committed by yours truly.